I Got Incredibly Drunk

A title like the one chosen normally wouldn’t make most people bat an eye, but for me, it’s a big deal. As I’ve explained in the past, I made a decision a long time ago to remain sober for various reasons, mostly to remain in control at all times. However, on occasion, I have decided to drink and I have gotten drunk a total of two times and both situations were incredibly unpleasant, which helped reinforce my decision.

Then, something happened and I decided to do something really self-destructive. One day at work, I decided that I wanted to get piss drunk because I desperately needed to get out of my head, but I was responsible enough to think it through ahead of time to ensure that it would be in a controlled environment where I’d be safe and I wouldn’t be a danger to anyone. Yeah, I just went home.

After work, I dropped by a liquor store nearest to my apartment, and being that I know very little about alcohol, I walked up to the clerk and asked, “I want something that’s incredibly strong, but doesn’t taste like gasoline.” They directed me to a bottle of sweet tea-flavored vodka, reassuring me that it would mask the taste.

As soon as I walked into my apartment, I began drinking and continued to chug the bottle for about three hours, all throughout dinner. Despite how painful it was, I endured because I was desperate to get drunk. While I initially figured it would be a means to forget my depression, it slowly became more so an experiment on inebriation, having never really been that drunk before.

After about an hour in, I started realizing that I wasn’t getting out of my head, not really. I was fully aware of everything, but I lost all sense of coordination. Every movement was labored and clumsy, but I pressed on with my routine despite the mild delay.

After another hour, it became incredibly clear that I wasn’t forgetting my depression, but I was, however, very distracted by all the mental notes I was taking about being that drunk. So yes, I never really lost track of my mental faculties and remained cognizant of everything. I just couldn’t walk straight. At this point, mercifully, I was responsible enough to finally start hydrating vigorously.

After three hours and 500 mililiters of vodka (about two-thirds of the bottle), my numb face was in the toilet, vomiting. I remained there, purging my body for the next couple of hours before I stumbled to the shower and then into bed. I eventually woke up at 3:00 a.m. and couldn’t go back to sleep. Since I was heading out to work in just a few hours, I decided to stay up, research ways to prevent a hangover, and relish in feeling sober and coordinated again.

And aside from being severely dehydrated, I’m glad to say that my work performance was unaffected. I was fine and I was proud to be unlocking my “Functioning Alcoholic” achievement. By that evening, I was mostly recovered and I had gained a funny anecdote to tell. Well, darkly comedic, I suppose.

Why drove me to that? Well, I’d rather not discuss it yet. Have I gotten over it? No, not really.

Keep on.

Adam